What it means to be a true friend...

This, the 39th year, is proving to be quite an interesting journey.  I'm finding more and more out about myself everyday.  And tonight, when I reunited with a friend I hadn't seen in FAR too long, I realized something... although I may not know or have known many "true" friends - had I really been one?

As my friend and I sat tonight over dinner and relived the last few years it was as if time hadn't passed; and we were right back in her old house sitting around talking over drinks. It's amazing how time can pass so quickly; yet stand still at the same time.  We'd both been through SO much; and it was amazing how positive and optimistically we live our lives - no matter what. I'm SO blessed to have such a good friend in my life - a true friend. On my drive home I began to think... what does it mean to be a TRUE friend? How many of them do I have; and more importantly, have I been one?

Let me define what I believe a TRUE FRIEND is... A true friend is someone who has touched your heart and will stay there. Someone you care for who cares for you. Someone you can do the stupidest things around and always be forgiven. Someone you'll instantly remember in ten years because they are in your heart and not just your mind. They have the ability to change you, even if they don't. They will be etched in your memories forever.  Sure, we all know people that fit this definition; but do they all stay that way? 

I've had many friends over the years; and some of them have lasted quite a bit of time and are good - but not necessarily true.  Where a true friendship fails is when you feel as though you can't talk to them - even in your darkest moments.  When you feel as though you can't trust them with anything; and not because you are too ashamed to do so, but because they have given you the notion that your life and situations are insignificant.  Now this isn't something that is in your head - trust me, you aren't crazy; this is merely a reflection of their actions toward you.  They are narcissistic and self-obsessed. They look for any opportunity to bring the conversation back to them. Worse, they might not even be aware that they are doing it. In their mind, they might think they are the best friend ever, which is truly frightening. They are fair-weathered. They are by your side when you are fun and you have something to give them but as soon as you are going through a difficult time, they are conveniently MIA. Everything they do is self-serving; and they don't care how their actions impact you - because you are insignificant in their eyes, unless you are worshiping at the alter of their drama.

Thirty-nine years and I finally get it! There is no great loss in walking away from a friendship that isn't TRUE.  It doesn't matter how long you've known someone; or to what degree you are invested in their life and the lives of their families - you have to surround yourself with people who bring out the best qualities in you.  Life is hard enough without you having to wonder if you have good people around you. Your friends are supposed to be the solution/escape to your problems, not the source. It sounds simple but it’s true. If you don’t like the way you act or feel when you are around someone, maybe you should reconsider being around them.

I realized tonight that I have been a TRUE friend - and to many; and sadly, I can't say the same in reverse.  I should never question my friendship or loyalty to anyone that I ever considered a friend - because in KNOW that in spite of it all, I have been loyal to everyone I've ever called a friend; and some times to my own detriment.

I had an epiphany tonight while I was lost in my thoughts... one who doesn't understand TRUE FRIENDSHIP, will probably never understand yours.